Daddy: Ian, what is the funniest body part ?
Ian: Gun
Fairness
Daddy: Ian, are you going to let Santa use your awesome new twisty straw in his milk glass ?
Ian: No.
Daddy: Really? you mean to tell me he's going to bring you all those presents and you're not going to let him use one little straw ??
Ian: No.
On the origins of egg nog
Ian : I know where this comes from
Mommy : oh ?
Ian: yeah, first you find a log. Then you CUT it. Then you get a spoon from the drawer. And then that's it. You drink it.
Hey guys, you wanna use my punch balloon ? You can you it to float to Picksburgh [sic]
“
| — | Ian Vandervort |
Daddy, my head keeps trying to break… it’s trying to break out.
“
| — | Ian Vandervort, (referring to his headache) |
Murder Death Kill
Ian : He didn't scream when I cut him
Daddy : Oh ???
Ian : yeah, my french toast...cause he doesn't have a mouth
